I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
