i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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