i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
