I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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