what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
