Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
