And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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