Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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