I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
