sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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