just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
