dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
