Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
