I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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