you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
