dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
