So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
