I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
