For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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