in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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