Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
