yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
