That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
