It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
