Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
