Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
