so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
