I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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