i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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