He is an equal opportunity slut.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
