I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
