Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
