wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
