I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
