He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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