im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
