i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it glows. i had to have it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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