Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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