wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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