I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
