Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude i'm inner monologue high
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
