How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
