OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
