Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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