Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
