also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
