dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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