if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
