Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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