i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
