Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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