do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
