yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
