if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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