boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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