The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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