Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
