he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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