A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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