I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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